Papa

by Christos Polydorou

To worship,
then eat,
our gods? I am

trying
not to be a
part of it. To

judge pigs,
and then act
like one

myself? I am aware
of this pitfall and am
trying to change. To

set fire to trees
covered in animals
and birds? I am

trying
not to engage,
waste my presence

because I elude
me. Do you believe me?
I have been

impatient. I am aware of
this and am
trying to change. I can be

so vicious.
It just happens when
I am provoked. I am

unkind.
I am
unfair.

I am
small.
I pushed

someone in the train tracks of Bethnal Green today.
I stole someone’s spot in a queue.
I robbed a

bank. I took a public sculpture
home.
I ran away to Italy.
I swam

in the Meditteranean
sea. I was feeling
such despair.

I cannot know
myself all the time.
I elude me.

I was trying to start over.
I kept losing my patience.
I made mistakes.

I held you in my arms.
I loved you.
You ran away.

I keep running.
Look at me.
Running away again.

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